Just so you guys know, it's a better day today. Reading your great, supportive emails helps. Barrett having slept better helps. Having gotten out for an excursion (we went to Babies R Us today) helps. The sunshine and 70 degree weather helps.
My Dad helps. He doesn't quite know what to do, I think, so he helps by cooking for me, and planting flowers in my yard for me, and bringing me potted tulips, and letting Owen help him do all those things.
My Mom helps. She does the laundry and she cares for Owen when I can't and sometimes--I hate to say this, it sounds so awful--she takes Owen away for a while. Today she helped by taking me away for a while.
My friends help. By insisting on calling but not pressing me to talk too much or to be my usual upbeat self. By sending me fluffy novels (thanks Cathie) and fluffy Tv videos (thanks, Laura) and by reminding me gently of a few things. Cathie--for reminding me that I chose for Owen to not be an only child, that I chose for her to leanr the lesson that she's not the center of the world, so it;s okay if the lesson is hard for her in the short run. Laura--for reminding me of advice I not only would give others in my position but actually did give her three years ago (that is: get help). My Internet friends--for being there and being kind to a virtual stranger, for connecting.
Paul helps. He doesn't think he does because when he tries to ask me about my mood, I always say "I'm okay." But I love that he asks. And that he does so much practical stuff to take the burden off me. And that he tells me it's not my fault and that I'm doing a wonderful job.
And, just so you know--I am also getting medical help. I have an appointment Friday.
I don't believe this is actually the end of this struggle, I know the depression is there, almost a cartoon cloud hanging over my head, like Eeyore. But it is a better day today, and that's something.
